The notion that “opposites attract” in relationships has been a popular belief for many years. It suggests that people who have different personalities, interests, and values are often drawn to each other. However, this idea has been debated among experts, and there is no consensus about its validity.
On one hand, some experts argue that opposites do attract in relationships. They claim that people who have different personalities and interests can complement each other, bringing a balance to the relationship. For example, if one partner is outgoing and extroverted while the other is introverted and reserved, they may be able to provide each other with the qualities they lack. The extroverted partner may encourage the introverted one to be more social and outgoing, while the introverted partner may provide the extroverted one with a calming presence and the opportunity for more meaningful conversations.
Furthermore, some people find it exciting to be with someone who has different interests and hobbies. It can broaden their horizons and expose them to new experiences they may not have encountered otherwise. For instance, if one partner is interested in music and the other in sports, they can learn more about each other’s hobbies and possibly develop new interests together.
On the other hand, there are experts who argue that people who are too different may not be compatible in the long run. They suggest that people with different values and beliefs may have trouble understanding each other, which can lead to conflicts and disagreements. For instance, if one partner values honesty and the other values loyalty above all else, they may have trouble reconciling their views when faced with a difficult situation.
Additionally, couples who are too different may struggle to find common ground and may not enjoy spending time together. For example, if one partner enjoys spending time outdoors and the other prefers indoor activities, they may struggle to find activities that they both enjoy, leading to boredom and dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Whether opposites attract in relationships is a complex issue that is difficult to generalize. While some people may find that being with someone who is different from them is exciting and fulfilling, others may struggle to find common ground and may not be able to build a lasting and healthy relationship. Ultimately, the success of a relationship depends on a variety of factors, including shared values, mutual respect, and effective communication, rather than simply being opposites or not.
Scientific studies to the rescue? Not really…
- In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that people are more likely to be attracted to those who are similar to them in terms of values and attitudes, rather than those who are opposite to them (Byrne, Clore, & Smeaton, 1986).
- A study published in the journal Personal Relationships found that while some couples may initially be attracted to each other because of their differences, over time, couples who are more similar to each other tend to be happier and more satisfied in their relationships (Watson & Clark, 1994).
- However, a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that while couples who are similar in many ways tend to be more satisfied with their relationships, couples who are different in certain ways (such as personality traits) may be more attracted to each other and may have a stronger initial attraction (Ogolsky, Monk, & Rice, 2015).
- A study published in the journal Social Psychology found that people are often attracted to those who possess complementary qualities to their own, rather than opposite qualities. For example, people who are neurotic may be attracted to those who are calm and emotionally stable, rather than those who are also neurotic (Berscheid, Dion, Walster, & Walster, 1971).
Overall, these studies suggest that while there may be some initial attraction to those who are opposite to us, long-term compatibility and satisfaction in relationships tend to be more closely related to shared values and attitudes, as well as complementary qualities.